I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
