We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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