you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
