So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
