This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
