god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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