She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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