whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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