Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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