Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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