Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need water and some morals
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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