Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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