My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i love accidental penises.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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