Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Panties = found
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