I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
