I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
