So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
