So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
