I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
