he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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