He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
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