You made me cry and you don't even care
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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