I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
NoShamevember. You game?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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