butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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