You smell like stripper and shame
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
