South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
