I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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