i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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