Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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