I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
