To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
