I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
