Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
