If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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