The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
