I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
