Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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