who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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