this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
