So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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