lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
