one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
