Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
