im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
