Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
