Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
