ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
