how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
