Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
