I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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