Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
