I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
