I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
