It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I deserve this hangover.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
