WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
