I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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