He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
