How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm really busy with my period
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